that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
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