Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
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