she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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