I can tuck mytits in my pants
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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