Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Randomize
