ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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