I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
No subtext here. People are naked.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Randomize
