they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
