i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Randomize
