I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
