well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
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