i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
