Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
