i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
