guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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