He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
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