I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Randomize
