Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
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