Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
sarcasm needs its own font
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
It's rum buckets o'clock
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