I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
