Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
