I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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