I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
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