I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
