But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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