so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
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