Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
My life is pants optional.
Randomize
