I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Randomize
