One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
