i'm lost and i look like a hooker
I booty called her while she was in labor.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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