so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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