There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
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