My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
