the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
