jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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