Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
