Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Randomize
