her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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