I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
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