This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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