Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
