He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
