I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
