She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
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