so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
I looked at my own cervix.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
