Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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