I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
