You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
