Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Randomize
