Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
