I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
