everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
