i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
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