Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
