The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
