she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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