Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week š
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
The Wolf of Wall Street āI aināt fuckinā leaving!ā speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Randomize
