god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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