i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
she told me i tasted like america
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
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