Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
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