3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
